Self-talk is a big part of our relationship with ourselves.
The way we talk to ourselves, the things we say about ourselves to other people and what we think about ourselves, is the voice we hear the most. This voice has been formed by all the experiences in your life since we were very little, but what happens when that voice is a unkind, mean or derogative and that is all we hear most of the time? Inevitably, it's going to lead to low self-esteem, low confidence, demotivation, resentment, or unhappiness. Regardless of what other people tell us, what that voice says, is what matters and will impact how you interact with other people, in reaching your goals and moving forward.
Things we have heard before about ourselves, rules that we were given ("don't do this/that"), the way people in your life behave and those social rules we don't questions, are some of the reasons behind our self-talk. It's also a safety issue, especially how we speak about ourselves to other people. How many times have you apologised because "the house is a mess", or because "you're always late", or because "you look too tired", etc? We think that if we say it first, we can protect ourselves from the pain and discomfort of hearing someone else say those things to us. But having a messy house doesn’t mean or reflect who you are as a person or your character, it's just a moment in your life a particular situation that can be easily changed, it's not who you are.
Whenever you find yourself saying things like "oh, I'm hopeless, I am an idiot", "The house is disgusting", "Why do I always have to be late", "I am not flexible/fit enough", take time to challenge those thoughts so you can develop a more realistic and positive internal dialogue. So much is about how you perceive yourself. If you believe you are capable and competent, you will most likely do a good job. Own your story and how you perceive the world, even when things are not as you expected, so instead of complaining about being late and apologising, be proud of the fact you made it even though the kids were being a nightmare, or the traffic was impossible today. There's a big difference in there and in that way, we can train the mind to change perspectives and be more positive.
Be gentle and nurturing towards yourself and stop apologising for who you are and for taking space in this world. Start being unapologetic and the most authentic version of yourself. Encourage and support yourself, rather than being overly critical or judgmental. Changing your self-talk requires practice so, be extremely kind to yourself in the process.