Mother's Day was a bit emotional for me. No plans, no demonstrations of love and definitely no brunch!
I started feeling depleted, like I needed to be seen and cheered on. I needed my husband to pay attention and take action, but for him, it was another day. He did buy me flowers and tried hard to make me feel special, but for some reason, I needed more. I felt triggered and needed validation that I am loved and valued beyond flowers and chocolates. Have you ever felt that way? You start comparing yourself to others, judging everything and feeling like it's other’s responsibility you feel this way and THEY need to do something to fix it?
Victimhood mentality can happen in all areas of our lives (jobs, marriages, friendships, families) and when we enter this cycle and things go wrong, we can easily recognise these questions/phrases popping in our heads:
"Why everyone else has it easier than me?"
"I don't deserve this."
"It's not my fault, it's theirs."
"I can't catch a break."
"Life is unfair."
"Nothing ever goes my way."
"I'm always the one who gets hurt."
Why is this happening to me?
This isn’t abnormal and probably most of us have had experience the cycle of victim mentality at some point in our lives.
Feeling entitled, defensive, angry are some of the attitudes we develop as we navigate deeper into this victimhood mentality. It is hard to face this is what we are going through, as the challenges and mental struggles are very real for us, but moving out of this is possible and you don't have to be the victim forever
One of the most common things we do when we are trapped in this victim mentality is self-sabotage and negative thinking, everything is half-glass empty. But this is a learned behaviour. It is a mindset and you can rewire your brain, re-learn and change. We can feel many emotions, but it's how we respond to those emotions what matters,
Start by asking yourself, "do I want to be in that place of sadness forever?'" If the answer is no, if you're ready to take action, then here are some ways to start making those changes in your life:
Accept the situation or exit it: Acknowledge that you have control over your thoughts, emotions, and actions. Accept that you can change your circumstances and choose to take action towards a happier way of living. Otherwise, are you going to sit there and wait for an answer or things to go your way? Practicing radical acceptance of the reality you're living, or taking action and change it.
Forgive yourself AND other people: Stop waiting for someone to give you that apology your seeking or show you compassion. I promise, receiving that apology you're not getting it's not going to help you as much as you think it will. It might feel good, but then what? Stop holding grudges, we all messed up sometimes. Resentment is not benefiting you and it's not giving you the space to heal, be compassionate and think positive. Ask yourself what am I in control of? Start bringing awareness and noticing you can be in control of your mindset and your reactions
Challenge your negative thoughts: Often, victimhood mentality is fueled by negative self-talk. "I do not deserve this", "I can't do anything right", "I am a failure". Challenge these thoughts by asking yourself if they are true, helpful, and if they are serving you. Replace them with positive affirmations and thoughts.
Surround yourself with positive influences: If you are surrounded by drama, drama, drama, then it's very likely you will feel and be involved in more drama. Seek out people who inspire and encourage you to be your best self. Avoid toxic relationships that bring you down and drain your energy. Remind yourself of your values and what you appreciate from a truthful relationship/friendship
Take responsibility for your own life. The opposite of victim mentality is self-care and self-love. Be kind to yourself and recognize that you are doing the best you can with what you have. Instead of criticizing yourself for past mistakes or failures, focus on what you can learn from them and how you can grow from them
Breaking free from victimhood mentality takes time and effort, but it's worth it. Keep reminding yourself that you have the power to create the life you want, and take small steps every day towards that goal and above all, be extremely kind to yourself in the process.